rain, rain, go away

It's a Saturday night at 8:38pm and I'm already in my sweats with no make-up on. The reason? Rain. Well that, and the fact that I have about $10 to my name right now. What fun would it be to run from bar to bar and not even have money to drink?

Rainy days always seem to make me think too much. It gives me the opportunity to let my mind wonder to things I don't normally think about. And most of the time it results in me being homesick and missing my friends, boyfriend and mom. I'm 21 and I've been living 12 hours away from home for almost 3 years now, you'd think I was used to this or something. Yeah right. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. But the funny part is, I would probably be unhappy at home because there's not much going on there. And when I graduate, the last place I want to go is home. I really wouldn't call my issue homesickness, but maybe more missing-my-boyfriend-mom-and-friends-sickness.

These people have helped define me and create the person I am. I've gained all my qualities - good and bad - from my friends, boyfriend and my parents and when I miss them, I really miss them. Like that cliched aching; all I want is to have one of them with me.

And when I miss people from home, you'd think having my brother here would help, but guess again. It makes me more stressed. I can't go watch a movie on my sofa downstairs in my living room because it's now my brother's pseudo bedroom. I get into these don't-fuck-with-me-but-let-me-do-my-own-god-damn-thing moods and having him in my personal space is more stressful. He hardly leaves the house. I invited him out with me last night to hang out with my friends, and he opted to stay home instead. Ugh! And I've pretty much exhausted everything we can talk about. He actually told me I talk too much.

So it's still raining. And if it wasn't dark out, I'd go for a run. Or if it wasn't about closing time, I'd go walk around the mall or Target. But alas, it's almost 9pm and stores are closed and it's dark out. And I'm missing my favorite people.

And I feel like a baby. I feel like crying and complaining and bitching makes me immature and pathetic. But I can't help it. I'd give almost anything to get a kiss from my boyfriend or a hug from my mom or a smile from my best friends. And the even more pathetic part is that I'm going home on Thursday (in 5 days!!) and I still miss them like WOAH!

So on this certain Saturday night, I'll enjoy being alone in my sweats with a bottle of wine and watch TV in bed. Cheers!